We often get asked, “What will I see when I visit your farm?” We’re happy to tell you what we plan to do, but what we end up actually doing can be very different. To tweak a famous quote: “No farming plan ever survives first contact with a farm.” Here’s a list of what we’ve come to expect as cranberry growers:
Murphy’s Laws for Cranberry Growers
- Anything that can break, will
- Anything that can’t break … will break anyway
- Anything that has just been fixed has the greatest probability of breaking
- The availability of a part is inversely related to how critically it is needed
- A dropped part turns invisible when it hits the ground or builds momentum that defies the laws of physics to reach the deepest hole or farthest, narrowest crevice
- Anything that can get stuck, will
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- Anything that can end up in a ditch, will
- The harder you try to avoid the ditch, the more likely you are to go in
- There is no correlation between proximity to the ditch and likelihood of going in
- When choosing between saving equipment or wife from submersion in a freezing ditch, the farmer will choose … the equipment (true story!)
- Anything that shouldn’t get wet, will
- Likelihood of getting wet is directly correlated to lack of spare clothing
- The weather forecast is never right
- The weather forecast is NEVER right
- The weather forecast is only good for predicting what weather NOT to expect
- The rain you needed all summer will come all at once. In the fall. On Festival weekend.
- Frost is never in the forecast, until you make plans to leave the farm
- Dismal weather for cranberry growth never seems to hold back the weeds
- The weather window you’ve been waiting for only lasts until you’ve got the equipment set up and are driving to the bog
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- The moment you think things are going well…wait a minute
- Proximity to trees, buildings, bridges and other structures/hazards is not related to likelihood of the flail mower hitting such an object
- Rule 21 also applies to road maintenance workers who also hit objects … like hydro poles … on the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend
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- Equipment will suddenly sprout dents, cracks, dings, and crumples without anyone having caused them
- Any farm tool that can be moved will be misplaced
- Tools can move on their own and have a habit of running away
- The best place to look for tools is where they don’t belong
- The tool you need is always the one you didn’t bring with you
- The likelihood of a tire going flat is directly related to how critically the piece of equipment is needed
- The tire that goes flat will be the spare you used last time and forgot to replace
- The day everything goes wrong is the day your banker visits – or Rick Mercer – or the visitor who asked what they’d see during their visit!
